Sunday, April 24, 2011

UPs and DOWNs

My face was red as a tomato, but more like a rotten tomato. I was crying. But not just simply crying. I was crying hard. I stared at the ceiling and wondered, Am I gonna stay like this forever? How much more can I take? Should I just kill myself?

Oh wait, before you continue reading, this happened 1234567890 months ago. I am not emo, I am not suicidal. But 1234567890 months ago, I gotta admit I was. Hahahaha.

So back to where I was... It felt like the best thing to do was to drink moriatic acid, to eat Snow White's apple, to jump off a building. And I just realized after typing the previous sentence that I was dumb as a person whose IQ is a single digit, if not whose IQ is a zero. How could I think that way hahaha.

I had no reason to wake up. It was so hard to put up a bright-as-the-sun smile at school, pretending like nothing's wrong. At 4 o'clock, I go home and I go back to my then-daily-routine, which, after school, was to cry myself to sleep.

I am not writing this blog to make my readers pity me. Gosh, I don't even pity myself hahaha. I do not like the word "pity" so puh-leez, do not misinterpret me. I am telling my story so I can share with you the lessons I've learned after those "dark days". So continue reading...

After crying rivers, I decided to stand up for myself. No one can bring me back up but myself. But this time, it was different. I was different. I was less naive. And this time, I was stronger.
I learned a lot from that experience. I realized that life doesn't stop for anyone. Life goes on. Why indulge yourself into self-pity and regret over things you can't change when you can stand up, get over the past and live the present with the lessons you've learned and not repeat the same mistakes again? It made me stronger. And though I still haven't learned everything I have to learn about life, I could say that after that experience, I grew as a person. My outlook in life changed, in a positive way. I gave myself a lot of time to remember who I really was. And with God's help, thankfully, I'm back on track. ;D With more butterflies and rainbows around me. Hahaha. I'm happier. I'm at my happiest, actually. I realized that there's more to life than Facebook (ha ha ha! :p). I have beautiful people in my life who matter more than those who left me, who care about me more than my mistakes, and who are always there for me. Thanks to my best friends, food, Tumblr, my dearest beautiful Mother and God, for giving me a reason to wake up every morning and live happily :)

Sad? Depressed? Suicidal (hahaha)? WTH! What's the point of being sad when you can be happy? Every ounce of energy you waste to cry over something you can't even change will bring you nowhere up. START ANEW. See the beauty of life. Be happy. Eat chocolates. Laugh with your friends. Blog. Shop. Jump. Go to the beach. Take a long shower. Surround yourself with good vibes, good people, good food. Think happy thoughts. And, pray.

God is my DJ. Life is my dance floor. Love is my rhythm. So watch me dance to the music. ♥

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